how to work from home

Wake up leisurely. Laze about in bed. If you’re single – grab that box of cereal you left next to your bed a week ago and munch on those Frosted Flakes. If you’re in a couple – do the same thing, only get judged for it.

Pop open your laptop, located conveniently next to you in bed (where it keeps you toasty warm at night, loading up emails for you to respond to, of course.) Check your Gmail casually, but really head onto Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr to see what your distant once-friends were doing between the hours of midnight and 8 a.m.. Judge them. Recollect on what you did last night. Stare at the red glare of the Netflix glow coming from your screen that reminds you that you watched four episodes in a row of Parks & Rec. Stop judging them.

Mosey to the kitchen. Make tea. Stare at computer with anger. Stare at teapot with love. Make that tea like it’s your only friend. Savor the shit out of it. Care a little too much about how long you let it steep for (and get annoyed that you even care suddenly).

Take your tea back to your computer. Begin reading, sorting, and responding to emails. Realize that an hour has passed and your tea is less than lukewarm, and that crap is all settled in the bottom. Get up and re-make tea, unplug the laptop and bring it out to your living room (aka “office space.”) Turn on the TV, talk with your roommate, pet your dog and cat, and overall ignore work for a few moments.

Log back on to see if there are email responses. Get annoyed when there are none. Gchat your friends who are in cubicles and can only respond when nobody sees. Laugh maniacally at the luxury you’re living. Realize it’s 2 p.m.. Take the dog for a really, really long walk. Come back. Check your email. Get really annoyed that there are none.

Write a blog entry about how silly your job seems. Question why you’re hungry, realize it’s that awkward post-lunch/pre-dinner thing. Gchat some more. Fold laundry. Apply chapstick. Set your laptop back up in bed. Think about your plans for the night. Remind yourself it’ll end in a Netflix coma.

Repeat.

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3 thoughts on “how to work from home

  1. This is my life–just minus the cat and dog plus a cubicle and plus a few crazy people on the bus I sit next to and pretend not hear. We really are living the life…….

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