party in the usa: in real time

I went to Los Angeles last week for vacation, and I decided while on the plane that I would try and live my life according to Party in the USA lyrics. Because at the end of the day, we all should be a little more like Miley.

I hopped off the plane at L.A.X. with some hunger and a cardigan (flights are a little cold). Welcome to the land of fame excess…there was a monk a few seats ahead of me – it was him that I was worried about fitting in.

Jumped in a Nissan Frontier, and there I was for the first time. I looked to my right and I didn’t see the Hollywood sign (just yet), and it wasn’t too crazy. I was sort of angry, I had hyped myself up for a stanza and a half of Miley’s sweet lyrics and saw no celebrities. Nobody seemed famous.

My tummy was turning, as I stated before I was pretty hungry. We got some pho – well, everyone I was with got pho and my vegetarian self got some noodles…and on the way home, the driver turned on the radio, and indeed, a Jay-Z song was on!

I put my hands mostly in my lap, because I was in the backseat of a truck, but I surely nodded my head like yeah and moved my hips the best I could, also moving them like yeah. I think “like yeah” means just an average rotational movement, or at least in my case it did.

That night, we went to BevMo and bought $194 worth of alcohol. I knew I would be okay, and it was shaping up to be a definite party in the USA.

We didn’t go to any dance clubs, but everyone was looking at me. Probably less over my kicks as much as I was wearing REI hiking pants and walking two pit bulls down Hollywood Boulevard. I definitely looked like I was from out of town – a little more Denver than Nashville, but who’s counting? There were a lot of stilettos, which was odd, because who wears those as a tourist? I can’t say I didn’t get the memo, as Miley had warned me of this problem beforehand. There was also a hefty amount of stilettos at Jumbo’s Clown Room, the strip club we went to that night. All of the girls kept them on. It was a classy situation overall.

I had to wait a few days to hear a Britney song come on, but when I did, I put my hands up because they were in fact playing my song – Toxic, to be specific. I was sad when I had to get out of the car.

I was at a wedding in central California, and without a doubt I spent the entire evening tearing up the dance floor, nodding my head and moving my hips (and a little more than that, really). Again, a definite party in the USA.

I did miss Denver a little bit, but at no point did I feel like hoppin’ on a flight. I was insanely hung over on the drive from Paso Robles to L.A., though. During those few hours, I didn’t want my home or a DJ to play me a song so much as I wanted a bed and probably some IV fluids.

Overall, I didn’t see any celebrities. My girlfriend’s pretty sure she saw Mekhi Phifer, but I’m sure she was wrong. I was waiting for Miley to arrive and give me a gold star, but she never showed. I’m an Ascent member on Frontier, and clearly that means nothing to her celebrity status. Oh well – there’s always next time. As Miley’s stated, L.A. is not a one-time thing. Every time she goes, she gets a little nervous, but that’s okay because as long as someone turns on a Top 40 hit, she’s cool. I don’t know where that leaves me, other than being almost 25 and trying to act out literal interpretations of Miley Cyrus songs. Try not to be too jealous.

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