new year, new you

New Year’s resolutions. Ew.

They never work. Actually, let me rephrase that. I have one that worked! I stopped biting my nails about six or seven years ago when that was my resolution. Then they grew freakishly strong and quickly. I became Wolverine. Seriously, I clip and file my nails all the time.

But other than that, it’s always the tumblr_m08n5tY6sr1rqfhi2o1_500“I’m going to go to the gym x times a week,” or “I really wanna lose three pounds.” Girl, you know that cranberry fat flush isn’t gonna work. Neither are those Kaltene bars, so put them down.

I am here to tell you that instead of resolutions or goals, I’m setting myself up to have a healthy 2013. There are three things that I would like to achieve. It’s not a numbers game, it’s a reach-this-by-this-or-else sort of thing. And I would like to share these goals with you, because I figure that if I put them publicly, you (dear readers) can call me out on them like, pretty consistently.

  1. Run my second half marathon!
    I am super into the fact that my bestie and I ran a half marathon. It’s still something I talk about a year and a half later, because it was hard and rewarding and exhausting and life-changing. When I was back in the midwest for a while, Katie and I went to a yogacycle class. And it kicked. My. Ass. I realized that, though I am so very happy and in love, I really let my athletic self go in the relationship I’ve entered. I ran a 5k a few weeks ago and the time I was averaging per mile was lower than my slowest mile in my half. It turns out that I’m not okay with those numbers, because I know I can do better. But, my broke ass doesn’t wanna sign up for a half just yet. It’s just a lot to commit to. So, instead, my half goal is the following:
    My friend/P.I.C. Amy is getting married June 21. I am going to run 13.1 miles the week before her wedding, whether that means in an actual race or not. I would like to be in shape for the wedding, and so I’m purposely buying a dress that asks for killer arms. Goal setting for this comes easy to me: Nobody’s getting hurt in the end but the people who are forced to witness that weird patch of fat between my arms and boobs, and the photos from that day can be a constant reminder for life about the time I chose to take a nap instead of go for a run or do fifty pushups. I did this goal-setting for my sister’s wedding and was pretty pleased with the results. Plus, finishing 13.1 miles is freaking incredible.
    I’m hoping that training, which will start Monday, will come easier to me the second time around. Like the whole “get back on the horse” thing. Then again, I hope I can get the runner’s high at 6 miles thing going for me, too. That was awesome and was kind of like free sex minus having to do any flirting.
  2. Wash my face naturally!
    If you know me, you know that my skin and teeth are like, weird essentials that I feel like I need to maintain perfectly at all times. Hey, it’s better than like, making meth (sorry, I watched give/take three seasons of Breaking Bad in a week’s time. Blame my girlfriend’s brother.) I have tried everything under the sun to maintain the standards of beauty that were instilled in me from my hometown: clear, not-pale skin and movie-star teeth. Well, those habits died hard a few years ago post-college. It turns out that when you’re on a government volunteer’s budget, some items fall by the wayside. Along with that, I casually smoked cigarettes and started drinking coffee like that’s what I was being paid so poorly to do. Caffeine, nicotine, and fifty hour work weeks do not a pretty girl make.
    I cut the crap and though I still love coffee, I’m down to a cup a day. Cigarettes are disgusting, also. Don’t smoke. But, I also realized the rituals I put myself through before those cruddy lifestyle moves weren’t good either. Tanning and Crest Whitestrips are harmful, too!
    As for my skin, I have acne. Like, I was on Accutane acne. Like once in college, I skipped class because I had a weird blemish that went from my eye to my lip. It’s a love-hate game that I have with this crap that covers my internal muscles and bone, but I’m in it for the long haul. Once, I had a dream that you could choose ten times in your life where you could clear your skin fully. That was depressing to wake up from. I digress: I’ve recently tried Proactiv, and though it “works,” it makes me crispy city. And yes, I’m moisturizing. This isn’t amateur hour.
    I’ve happened upon something magical, though. Autostraddle is the best at all things awesome, and they published this gem about switching to oils to wash the face and body. I’ve been hearing of this method for a while now, and I’ve decided that why not try it for the new year? The huge bottles of castor and grapeseed oils cost half the price of Proactiv and will last me four times as long, so who am I to say no? And how will I keep my promise to you, dear readers, of doing this? Because for realsies, I’m terrified of rubbing oil on my sucky skin. But, no fear! I will update weekly for the first MONTH of doing this with photos. That means you’ll see my shitty skin and be able to see if it works for real. I’m excited about this. I know it’s gross. Sorry.
  3. Food times will improve!
    My girlfriend received the Ninja chopper for Christmas and she really can’t get over it. This is a plus, though. Her and I eat pretty well, except when it comes to going out. We always play the “oh, why the hell not get the carbs on top of carbs on top of cheese, we’re out to eat!” game, which is dumb because we go out once or so a week on average. Instead, we’ve got the impressive new chopper, plus a new microwave, and that makes our kitchen all the more alluring. See, the heat doesn’t work in there and the room isn’t insulated, so winter sucks.
    So, I’ve got some killer recipes I’ve been working on. My Brussels sprouts are near perfection, and lately my meals have brought my girlfriend to “oh my GAWWWD this is good”s. So I figure I can keep doing those while using fun products and be well on my way to fitness and fun!
    I’ll be sure to do this by also posting what I’ve eaten in AND out with my face posts. You’re welcome.

So there you have it. Healthy body, clear skin, better diet. You can yell at me if you want, as constantly as you would like to. I’ll be here to take your tongue lashings. Rar.

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2 thoughts on “new year, new you

  1. Hello! How is the oil treatment going? I’m so tempted to try (my skin hates me right now) but I’d like a human guinea pig haha!

    • Well, Willis, I am an asshole for not noticing this.

      It works! I’m still doing it, but I do have to admit that I’m not doing it as religiously as I used to. I’ve switched to mild cleansers and oil as my main washes, and they’ve been working well. I would post a photo but I just got back from a music festival where I didn’t wash anything, including my face, so I’ll wait a few days until my skin normalizes if you’re still interested 🙂

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