Hello, my loves! It has been FAR. TOO. LONG. I owe you all so much. Alas, graduate school and jobs and life are just so dang busy. I can only keep using that excuse for so long, so feel free to stop me and tell me to shut up and write at any point in time.
I have something that I need to talk about with y’all, though. It’s really important. Like, the most important.
I have noticed that there are always these tells that lesbians give that tell the world about their gayness. I’ve referenced these things before – short nails, zip-up hoodies, etc. – but this time, that is not what I mean. I’m talking about the way that lesbians walk. And I named it.
It’s a thing. Lesbians just walk a cut above the rest. It’s this cool, confident thing that comes from being comfortable with oneself enough to just own a damn room upon entrance, or own the street in which they walk on because THEY’RE HERE, THEY’RE QUEER, AND DON’T YOU WANT THEM!? Yes. Yes, you do.
Lesbian swagger was the thing that attracted me to my future girlfriend when I first met her. She stood up and walked over to introduce herself and I found myself immediately turned on; immediately into her. What?! But how!?
Lesbian swagger. That’s how.
This idea of naming how lesbians walked came to me when I was talking with two classmates, Monica and Lauren, at school. There’s this one super hot lezzer that goes to school with us, and I was gushing about my little crush on her. I mean, brains? Looks? Cool haircut? She has it all! But what I was describing to the girls was her walk. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I kept saying that she just looked so damn cool when she entered a room, and she looked cool when she was carrying stuff, and she even looked cool when she had to run to catch someone running out the door. Just so damn cool. Lauren then asked if she walked like that, and proceeded to do a little Tyra-fierce runway, to which I responded “No. You walk like an angry feminist,” and she rebuttled with “Good, cause I am!” See, Lauren is straight-identifying. She doesn’t have lesbian swagger. It’s a cool highlight that we as queer ladies get.
I didn’t think I had lesbian swagger. I didn’t get it. I write about sex, I have the haircut, I had a hot girlfriend…what was the deal?
I have been going through some stuff as of late. Another “coming out” process of sorts, dealing with my past and my childhood. It’s still not something I’m 100% confident about talking about, especially because I don’t want to trigger anyone who reads this, but it does have to do with abuse and issues in the home. That being said, dealing with it has been a difficult ordeal. But! This magical thing has been happening as I start to shed these barriers that I had built up around me. I was feeling more confident; sexier, even. I felt better about how I looked. I was cool with my relationship with food. I was loving my home life, my girlfriend, and what we were doing together. I began to have a newly found appreciation for my mama and started kicking ass in classes at school. I had become much more confident in my soul – not just my skin. Every shower felt like parts of old, sheltered Alison falling off, revealing a sparkly, new Alison!
Then, it happened.
I started getting hit on. I was getting signals left and right!
I need to explain to you all that up until this point, and I’m pretty okay with saying about…90%, only older men hit on me. I don’t know what the vibe I was giving off before was saying, but older dudes clearly found me insatiable. I could have been sitting on my girlfriend’s lap licking her neck and it wouldn’t deter them. This is real talk. But now…
Now it was women who were hitting on me.
This was it! My big break! Finally, I was putting out what I wanted to receive and it was working! And I was so curious as to what it was that was getting girls to hit on me both in public and through other means…I’m talking text and Gchat. Like, how does that magic even come about? How am I giving off these vibes that work? Then I realized it.
I have lesbian swagger.
I have started to realize who my authentic self is, and that gives me this confidence, this light. I feel beautiful. I feel sexy. I feel sexual. I feel smart. I feel worth wanting.
I speak differently. I rest my head upon my shoulders in a higher, stronger manner than before. I think I smell pretty great, I mean, not that I didn’t before, but shut up. You get the point.
I have lesbian swagger.
Tell me: do you?