Originally posted on Thought Catalog February 14, 2013
Sex is okay to talk about. It’s not a faux-pas; it’s not something that should be hidden. Sex is okay to talk about.
We live in this world that tells us that it’s meant to stay behind closed doors; between the paper thin walls of our bedrooms in our small apartments — under the sheets where it cannot be seen. Why is that? Who says? When did sex become such a secret?
Sex is too good to allow it to be repressed. Laws in our countries, laws in our states, laws in our cities and towns, rules from our families and rules from our roommates…all of it adds up to telling us that the words “no” and “sex” go together all too well. Why do we allow it?
According to Michael Warner, author of The Trouble With Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life, we are allowing sex to be repressed because it is the only time that we are truly not in control of ourselves or the other person(s) we are fucking. Ruminate on that for a second. Let it wash over your mind. Think about the last person you had sex with. Think about that feeling before you were sent over the edge. You might think you were in control; telling them what to do and how you liked it, but when all was said and done, your body took over your mind and your heart and your soul and your every feeling. You weren’t in control at all, were you?
We live in a world where there are laws against how we make love; how we fuck. We have some sex laws that should be in place because they are a human rights issue: sexual abuse, child molestation, human trafficking. Those aren’t the laws I’m talking about. I’m talking about anti-vibrator law. I’m talking aboutsadomasochism between two consenting adults. I’m talking a city finding what you sell to be obscene. We shame people. We humiliate them, even when it’s not at any fault of theirs. We jail them, beat them, and murder them under the legalities of sex laws across the world, in a human community where upon a person beingtried and sentenced to death for being a homosexual, the person who made the ruling can then go home behind closed doors and strangle a woman. What is this world we are in?
I’m not saying we need to be voyeurs, rather the opposite: sex is normal. We say it all the time. It’s natural. “An act bestowed upon us by our creator God.” There are all of these arguments, yet nobody’s talking about what condoms they prefer to use with their partner. They’re talking about Top Chef’s insane eliminations. We don’t talk about sex like the way we say we should: if sex is, in fact, normal, then what are we doing tiptoeing around it like it’s a fragile bird?
Sex is okay to talk about. We all do it, or we think about doing it, or we’d much rather be doing it than what we’re doing now. Sometimes we make love, sometimes we fuck. Sometimes our sex is queer. Sometimes our sex is straight and narrow; missionary and everything. There’s nothing wrong with it. When we allow ourselves to not only lose control but to be comfortable with doing so is when we can finally normalize the most normal thing we do.